"A car backfired during P.E." Still silence from her. "I guess it made mejump." And what did the car signify to you?" she asks, smiling calmly. I wantto say it signified a car backfiring, but my need to please kicks in. Istruggle to think."The car," I shudder a little and my voice goes quiet, "the one theybundled me into..." my voice trails off."Your kidnapping, the one back in autumn last year. " Again this is botha statement and a question. I nod and once more the silence descends."It's funny," I start speaking almost without knowing it, "but that waswhen I started truly feeling like Emma. I mean, not just accepting I wasin Emma's body but feeling as if Emma was me." She smiles again, thesmile that I know means she wants me to go on. "I had to accept that mynew body, the size the... gender now was part of what defined me. Atleast to others."Miriam leans in, "And that must have been very frightening, she says."I've started crying. Damn that woman, she has me in tears every. I would look at them alone. This was not something we could do together. 3. Not only was she not to buy them, she was not to look at them even in my absence. If she found them accidentally she was to put them back at once without looking at them. Did she understand? Yes. She looked so repentant that I let her have a few kind words to the effect that she had meant well. I accepted her proffered apology, and she looked a bit less miserable and returned to her cooking. This was yet another strange incident to ponder. Even leaving aside the extraordinary change in our sex life, Wendy’s general attitude had altered remarkably post-FUCK (I realised I was beginning to divide my life into pre- and post-FUCK). Pre-FUCK, she had been, on the whole, a good and devoted wife to me, and I had loved her dearly, but she had been very much one to stand up for herself, she had had no hesitation in letting me know when she felt I was at fault in any way, and she was extremely stubborn when she had.
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